Still here

Still doing my thing.

Track day tomorrow at Hampton downs. But what is this uneasiness? It's as if I'm about to drink that last shot of tequila that I know I should not. But what else?

Admission

Yes, I have failed. But I will not have failed.

A fence is not a chair

I realize.... I have been a fence sitter for many years now.

Perhaps I have grown accustomed to being in that position, perhaps I did pride myself in being there a little - as if that position gives me a role as a 'bridge' between two disparate walks of life.

How wrong have I been?

I was but afraid of committing to one side.. Now to take a plunge....

Lean & Mean?

I don't know what all sparked this.

I started gym at the end of July/start of August (again) and have been training for a month pretty much relentlessly. I'm already more or less where I was November last year when I stopped training. Good stuff.

I had stopped smoking for about 5 days in March if I remember correctly, but caved in for some reason. I had been meaning to sign up to quitline so I can get those subsidized nicotine gums - and finally I got the gums on Thursday..

So without much thought or contemplating, I thought... hey, I got the gums...why don't I try it out!
That was Thursday 21st Aug.. at 5.20pm when I had my last fag, walking outside the Chinese vege shop so I could buy some apples before I hit the gym. That was it.. The gum seems to ease the craving a LITTLE bit. Remember I am used to smoking cigarettes with 12mg nicotine in it, now this gum has 2mg - I can barely feel it.

It was OK at the office today. But the Friday drink, damn. I had three beer....that was tough. But I hit the gym straight away to waste away (or burn) extra energy and stress. Then I had half a bottle of wine, which was a form of an award to me for not drinking 100 bottles of beer. By 11pm the craving hit soooo hard.. well not really, but I kind of wanted to give in.

So I went out to the car, thinking that I will have just one and get back to quitting. I did not find it. After a while, I remembered that I put my rollies in my coat.. So I dug that out. Now fully ready, I put the filter in my mouth and...when I was about to scramble for tobacco, mum came out of her room. As I don't like being seen making or smoking cigarettes, I promptly put them away. Thank God, literally..

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world - the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has done and does - comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives for ever."
1 John 2:15

Let's see...I am still not ... sure if I can be pulled through :(

Intergenite

Now it's been three weeks at intergen after I joined as a senior-gradish developer with 1 year experience in the belt.

We are a totally different company compared to e-learnings - structure, culture, process, people, projects...basically everything! Luckily for me, there are lots of cool things happening at intergen.

I can't say they're are a perfect company - but they are striving in the right direction for sure. And that gives me hope. We shall see how it turns out. I haven't been here long enough to say anything definative.

What are some of the good points?

• Professionalism - as expected, they strive to do a great job
• Continued effort to fix what is wrong and thus improve. Many of the things I had some issues with are being dealt with - and that is before I spoke up about it
• Great culture. These people know how to have fun while working...
• Great people, of course there are great people behind great culture :)
• Generally interested in my career development - they acknowledge the importance of it and strive to help out

These are just some of them off the top of my head. There are lots of things happening all the time really, it is quite a dynamic company from what I have seen so far.

I am quite looking forward to how I could progress at this place. I have my concerns still but we shall see how things turn out. Things are looking promising at this stage at least.

Quoting Shaun from 20/20 initiative recap meeting, "There is this thing that is creeping in. You guys may be familiar with it - Strategic Hindrance to Important Tasks; SHIT."

The bug has bitten (again)

It echoes in my head, silvia silvia silvia. God this is not good.
All I think of is a good facelift S14 K's. Fat rims with perfect offset, subtle kit, HID, approximately 200rwkw and blue or black in colour.

I keep thinking I am going to get it some day. It is sickening me, yet I just want one for myself. :S

I could buy one but...

It is a race

A rat race.
And I am getting out of it for a while.